


A Perfect Denial

by Ghanisfics



Category: Actor RPF, Alexander (2004) RPF, American Actor RPF, Colin Farrell RPF, Jared Leto RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-09
Updated: 2010-09-09
Packaged: 2017-10-11 15:04:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/113705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghanisfics/pseuds/Ghanisfics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared suffering for his art. Location: Pinewood Studios, London. Timing: winter of 2003-2004.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Perfect Denial

Title: A Perfect Denial  
Author: Leto's Ghanima  
Type: RPS  
Fandom: Alexander  
Pairing: Jared/Colin  
Rating: R  
Warnings: none.  
Disclaimer: This is fiction. And it's not going to make me rich.  
Beta: the multi-talented Myr

 

*******************

 

Jared had found a little dressing room to hide. He was up in about an hour to shoot his scene, and he needed some time to concentrate. He had been awfully bad-tempered with the girls from make-up and dressing. Before leaving, he had apologized but that hadn't changed much to the sad look in their eyes.

Drawing a finger over the skin underneath his right eye, he looked at it. He felt as dark inside as the black smudge the eyeliner had left there. He wished the day was over and he could crawl up in bed and forget. That bitching scene was definitely one of the most difficult he ever had to do.

He shivered. It was cold in the huge studios, always and everywhere. At least he was wearing thick richly adorned Persian garments covered with a fur cloak for this scene. Colin had less luck with his wedding night scenes. For the first time Jared thought it was a good thing he didn't have a nude scene.

Sighing, he tried to concentrate. He saw himself hold that ring in his hand, enfolded in a little white cloth. Then he would have to look up to his Alexander's face with – what – tears in his eyes? Where would those come from?

_He was naked, lying on a simple wool-woven coat somewhere in the hills surrounding Pella, bathing in the hot Mediterranean sun. Alexander was next to him, hovering over him, leaning on his left elbow, his right hand slowly sliding down the length of his body. The adoring look in Alexander's eyes made him smile. "Mine," Alexander whispered, "my true and only …"_

He was going to lose his Alexander to that Sogdian harpy.

…

It wasn't working.

Silently, he cursed. Perhaps he would have to fake his way through this one. He rarely did that, loathing it, but he could pull it off. It was not as if he was the only one in the profession sometimes just pretending to know what he was doing. He saw it done around him all the time, only not in this movie …

Those tears had to come from somewhere.

The problem was he never cried, or hardly ever. He reached back in his memories for the last time he had almost let himself go.

_He was standing on cliffs overlooking a huge deserted beach. He was dangerously close to the edge and the strong thundering wind could sweep him away at any moment. Excited he turned around to face Cameron. She was looking down at the beach with an irritated look on her face._

"How are we ever going to get down there?"

She was lying on the beach in the tiniest bikini he had ever seen, a pair of dark sunglasses on her nose. Sitting straight up, he looked at her: blond locks set off by the sky blue towel. He turned and lifted his head towards the cliffs behind him, longingly ...

The fresh breeze turned into a torturing heat. When he looked down again, she stretched her arms above her head, her long dark hair spread in the sand. Colin crept towards her on hands and knees. Giggling, Angelina threw her arms around his neck.

"That Moroccan sun is going to do irreparable damage to that white Celtic skin of yours."

"Ya think? I'll have to use ya as a shield then."

Colin drew her on top of him.

His stomach clenched and the irritation spread through his whole body like a heat wave. He was going to fail miserably today. Turning, he touched his burning forehead against the wall. The coldness of the stone bricks momentarily helped him to empty his head. He heard a voice behind him:

"Mister Leto?"

He wasn't ready.

 

********************

 

When he entered the studio, Jared realized his dark mood had to be written all over his face. Colin's smirk disappeared and his mouth fell open in a mockingly surprising look. In his thoughts he smacked an imaginative door in the Irishman's face and hid behind it.

It didn't work. Nothing worked today.

He drank Oliver's final instructions from the director's lips as if it was a life-saving antidote for a viper's poison. His brain refused to register the words though. He managed to catch Oliver's last sentence. It went something like: … end it with a simple moment of intimacy between the two of you …" What intimacy? What was he talking about? Wasn't he in enough trouble yet?

Stumbling his way through the scene, he felt like a stammering debutant, tears of frustration in his eyes. He kept on wondering why Oliver didn't stop him to haul him over the coals. The little vein underneath his left eye was throbbing nervously. The weight of the scene was crushing him and he was carrying that weight all alone. He cursed the script writers to hell. Alexander should have been a bit more reactive to Hephaistion's silent plea.

He threw himself in Colin's arms with genuine despair.

"You're a great man."

Thank God, it was almost over. He felt Colin softly pushing him away and then bringing their foreheads together. Their noses almost touched and he could feel Colin's breath on his face. He felt beaten and numb. Colin could take the scene in whatever direction he wanted, he would be unable to protest. In fact, he felt relieved, even if he didn't understand why. Closing his eyes, he thought he felt Colin's cheek against his even if he was pretty sure they weren't touching each other. Any moment now, Roxanne would interrupt this frozen moment of happiness …

Oliver cleared his throat and Jared's eyes flew open.

"Okay, we'll keep that one."

Colin slowly took one step back, his eyes still boring into Jared's.

Jared turned and fled.

 

************************

 

London was inhospitably cold at night. Jared had sneaked out of the hotel, avoiding the bar where another one of those "after" parties was taking place. When he declined the invitation, Colin had been looking at him inquisitively. He needed some time alone. Damn, Colin could try to understand for once.

He had to do something to break through this morose mood. Looking at his cell phone, he noted it was noon in LA. Biting his lower lip, he pushed the pre-programmed button.

"Yeah!"

"Shan? What the fuck …?"

"Scared you, did I? What's up, bro?"

"Where is she? I mean, where are you?"

"At my place. Where else? She's still sleeping. She crushed in on the little party I organized for Matt last night. She got too pissed to get home by herself."

Shannon seemed to take it light-heartedly. Jared knew very well though that his current love interest made his brother bristle just by being in the same room with him. He'd have to make it up to his bro. Again.

"You okay?"

Difficult to hide something from Shannon, but somehow he didn't feel like bearing his soul to his brother for once.

"Yeah, of course."

"You want me to wake her up?"

"No! … No, don't wake her up. Nothing important."

"Sure?"

"Yeah, I'll call her later on. I'm gonna hang up now, this is costing me a fortune."

"Okay, catch you later!"

"Yeah."

He knew he hadn't fooled Shannon, but his brother knew him well enough not to insist.

 

He knew walking alone in a London park in the darkness at this hour wasn't the smartest thing to do, but when had something like that ever stopped him? The morbid look on his face would scare off any villain anyway.

Stopping, he leaned back against the headboard of a bench, lost in his thoughts, until the sound of footsteps approaching him from behind startled him. Shit, maybe he managed to get himself into trouble this time. He turned around to see Colin corner the bench and stop right in front of him.

Jared succeeded in oppressing a sigh, but he knew the annoyance was visible on his face. He couldn't handle Colin this evening, Colin with his loud laughter, his good-natured mocking, his flirting …

Jared's cold welcome didn't seem to bother Colin though. The Irishman put his hands in the pockets of his black leather jacket hanging open in his usual nonchalant way and took another step closer to Jared.

"Honestly, J, I don't think ya should be out here alone tonight."

The unexpected seriousness in Colin's voice troubled Jared. Nevertheless, he reacted like he always did when people tried to tell him what to do.

"Stop thinking."

Colin's eyebrows popped up mockingly. The door of reason shut down in Jared's head and he turned to walk off. Surprised he found himself closed in by Colin who had put both his hands on the headboard of the bench.

Jared drew back against the bench as far as he could, fighting against a wave of panic. Quickly gathering himself, he decided to try smooth-talk himself out off the situation.

"Sorry, Col', I'm really not good company this evening. I'll be a good boy and go back to the hotel. Just give me a little more time. Please."

He shouldn't have added that last word: it made him sound almost desperate. But maybe it had hit home, because Colin had taken a step back, freeing him.

Feeling relieved, Jared wanted to walk away when he felt Colin's hand on his cheek. His eyes widened in surprise. Colin's hand slid behind his neck and the next moment they were kissing.

Jared hated the little yelp he made in Colin's mouth. It gave away his feeling of helplessness, but he figured Colin was guessing as much anyway. He wished he knew where to put his hands and ended up grasping the sleeves of Colin's leather coat. His attention was drawn back to the kiss as he felt Colin's tongue slip in to his mouth.

Only when he felt a strong arm encircle his back to push their hips together, did Jared notice that Colin had unbuttoned his coat. The groan that escaped his lips as their groins were rubbing together was almost unbearable to him, even if it was smothered in Colin's mouth.

He hated himself for finding the force to put an end to it. Somehow, his body wasn't reacting to his mental determination, but then again, Colin was really resisting the break up.

"I can't …," he panted.

"I know," Colin said in a low voice. Then he released Jared. Putting his hands back into his pockets, he turned and walked away.

Jared sat down on the bench and staring in front of him, he forced himself not to move until he was sure Colin was out of sight. Then he crossed his arms on his knees and lowered his head to rest on them, letting the wet coldness of the London winter's evening fill his whole body.


End file.
